the blues

i was out earlier tonight,
i didnt really want to be at home, to be honest i really dont want to be anywhere right now...

on saturday this woman comes into work and i swear my breath catches in my throat.

and for a moment i thought it was her, i had to check the tattoos to make sure it wasnt.

if she had a sister this woman would have been her.


and last night...

this is what i wrote earlier tonight when i was trying to draw:

this place is making me feel old tonight. it would be one thing id those years spent had yielded anything as far as my present is concerned. but as it stands, i had those years, i had everything that i ever wanted, i had her. really thats all i ever wanted, to be with her, and now shes gone, and that future with her and i have nothing.

nothing but unwanted memories of being happier that i have been since.

and then again i might be idealizing my past, old people tend to do that.

and i so wish that i was done with this, with her, these feelings that i cant seem to get over. oh i think i have, i think that ive moved on but something always seems to come up to remind me of her and the dreams begin again.

she wasnt always that nice, or compassionate, or really even all that beautiful, at least not in the classical sense,but for whatever reason i think that she was the one that i was meant to be with.

in retrospect i have never carried around feelings for someone as long as i have for her.

so the dreams, when i dream of her, i guess that they are more nightmares than anything else, i wake up sweating and on the verge of tears, half-remembered images of what happened.

and knowing that i had had her and then lost her all over again.

and its been so long now that i know the woman im hung up on, that i cant seem to let go of doesnt even exist anymore, that she has chanced and become a different person than i remember.

that and i can barely remember her face anymore.

the only thing that i can remember are smell of her hair, the taste of her lips and the blues of her eyes.


original blue pencil sketch
sketch i did of her years ago, before we got back together

a change of pace

this is one of the reasons i do like my job, there are moments where i seem to really bring a moment of happiness into peoples lives.

i know its not lasting but they feel special when i remember their name or drink or both.


oh...
...ive been trying different layouts here, but so far i have not been able to make these browser friendly on blogspot, you still have to click on the image to read them...

if anyone has any suggestions, tips, pointers, etc., id be happy to hear them.

yet another pop song/poem

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.


sugarcult - memory

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings disappear.
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

and then theres this guy

okay, theres this guy that came in and was all like "end of the day mode", he had thetop button unbuttoned, the tie loosened, shirt half un-tucked, the works.

and he swaggers up and says the lamest thing a person could say.

latte me...

what the hell is that?

latte me.

and yes, as he said that, he did throw the horns.

douche.

(and ive tried making these comics web friendly, however there are limits to the size allowed by blogger and unless i want to move it to a web comic server, which i dont really want to yet, it will have to stay the way it is for the time being, i hope that its cool with everyone.)

one of the perks of my job.

one of the perks of my job.

the other day i got a rare treat.

this woman came in with a screaming, snot dripping, whiny child in tow.

the treat?

at one point, years and years, pounds and pounds, and before that cute freckle turned into a nasty, hairy mole, i had dated her.

and she had cheated on me, and eventually left.

and i realized in that moment that i had dodged a massive bullet.

the only downside was that i had to take her order.

poem/pop song

ive been crying off and on while doing this one, im not sure exactly for sure why though i have my suspicions.

anyway there are certain songs that i wish i had written, songs that i hear and can relate to a moment, and often its to distance myself from that moment. other peoples poetry, other peoples words.

and still my very personal experience.

there was this one night where im standing on her porch and shes effing beautiful. and she leans in, were both nervous and uncertain as to where this may or may not be going.

and her lips touched mine and i felt so alive.

sometimes i wonder is every moment since has been spent trying to kill myself.

dashboard confessional
hands down
(she actually made a point of introducing this song to me, ironic huh?)

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

just letting you all know

that ive started a new blog called coffee wage-slave

i just thought you all might enjoy

heaven

heaven is a nice comfy pair of boots that have lasted seven years and still feel like home, even when home doesnt feel like it anymore.

discovery

another in the life as a coffee wage slave, single panel as i think that is all that is needed in this case.

i really dont think that she was happy with this discovery, what can i say, we had had a run on scones, and by nine we were out.

i just got real quiet and shrugged and offered her a muffin on the house.

and suddenly she was my friend.

sometimes i really hate people.

another coffee wage slave moment

this one started about a week or so into working there, women come in and pay for their orders and hand me money or cards with bits of paper or post its attached.

and on these bits of paper are phone numbers and then from the customer... a wink.

and there is no easy out on this one, you cant really pretend you didnt notice, and there is no way in hell youre going to follow up.

so i smile lamely and say, thank you, your drink will be up in a few minutes

update

laughter


robot hate monkey


who will love me now?
(for sale)


tummy ache
(for sale)


um... i dont know,
robot in love with flower?
(for sale)


go figure

as always, there is more info on each of these here, so go check it out.

some stuff

seeker or striver


silence


a t-shirt design idea


pride, or eyes


another eyes


remember or a post secret never sent


cardboard box


neighbor


botanical

havent really posted for awhile, thought id share as always you can visit my site
for the text that accompanies them.

new stuff

the crux

chair

green

germaine (fan art)

hal 9000

see, i can draw... kinda

for the hell of it

snap v.2

my submission for missed connections comics

or

this is my submission for the project julia wertz has set up, missed connection comics i suggest that you go and check out both links, and hey, be a pal and let her know who sent you there, thanks.

posting dump

for titles and discriptions: 52 fridays

update: heart 2 crashes and a sprout

for these and more: http://www.52fridays.blogspot.com/

52 fridays, now on myspace!

http://www.myspace.com/fiftytwofridays

come on over and check it out.

you know you want to.

thanksgiving, clear, smoke, accent, wind, ghost, and when worlds collide

for more on all of these:

http://www.52fridays.blogspot.com/